I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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