you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
