i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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