Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
