Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
