i don't like sucking hair
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
