Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
