so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
