I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
