they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
