We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
