the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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