I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
