Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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