My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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