your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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