theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize