How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
