Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
