so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
