So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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