who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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