Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
