I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
