No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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