Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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