i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
