Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize