He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Vodka?
Forever.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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