Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize