I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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