my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize