He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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