I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
