If i come over, it means nothing
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
