Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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