Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
