The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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