turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize