That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
