I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
