I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize