Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
