umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
home. puking in laundry basket.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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