am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm like, not good at living.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
