Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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