when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
