Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
