why didn't you poke me back
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
