Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
