...so i touched it.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
