Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
