spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
