I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
