Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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