Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
