I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
