Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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