i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
