im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
no you cant smoke seaweed
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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