after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
