Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize