3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
