im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
that may or may not have been my penis.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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