i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
