; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i need an iv and a liver transplant
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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