I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
