he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
