well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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