I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
