trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
