wrigley field is MILF paradise
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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