eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I party with great urgency now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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