I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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