My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
